The Daddy Diaries

dog1

   INTRODUCTION


    One day while living in beautiful downtown Toronto, I noticed that two young men in my apartment building had obtained a little puppy.  While I am more of a cat person, it suddenly occurred to me that they must be taking turns coming home every day to let the puppy out at lunch time.  I went up to one of the fellows and introduced myself, although I had met them on the elevator before but had never had an actual conversation. 

    As I work from home and often have errands to do in the neighbourhood, I volunteered to take the puppy out for a walk at lunchtime so the fellows did not have to race home.  Originally I was going to do it out of the kindness of my heart.  However, out of the generosity of their hearts, they wanted to pay me, which was fine with me. It was  agreed that I would take Gus out three days a week at lunch and they would do the other two days.  Later I would get promoted to four days a week.

    It was amazing the men trusted me so much with their little fluffy bundle but where could I go???  I live in the building.  I was given a key and verbal instructions and I waited anxiously for my first walk.  The first time I went to get Gus, there was a page and a half of instructions. Panick set in.  What if I couldn’t do it? I had no idea it was so complicated raising a dog.  Being a cat owner, all the training I had to do with my cat, Emily, was show her where the kitty litter box was.

    He was to be carried to the elevator, given praise and a treat every time he did something right and more.  I was also left a red leash, a sandwich bag of treats for Gus, and special white plastic pooper scooper mitts they had bought especially for me and a yellow tennis ball.  I swallowed hard as I stuffed everything into my pockets.  I could tell from the note that this puppy was their pride and joy and they had great love for him.

  As I walked Gus slowly around our building I pondered what I could do to set their minds at ease that he was in good hands.  Suddenly I remembered an essay I had written in high school about a flea.  We were supposed to write an autobiography and I had no idea how to do it so I wrote about Fanny F.S. Flisk, a flea, living on Boswald the III.  My teacher and classmates loved it and I managed to pass that term.  I would write “the boys” a daily account but from Gus’s point of view.  

   In the beginning, it was only going to be for a day or two until they realized that they could trust me.  However, once Gus got talking he couldn’t stop and writing every day became something I looked forward to doing for Gus.  Then it became even more elaborate and I began photographing Gus’s journey through puberty.  The fellows loved it so much, I even got a raise.  They are all moving in late Spring and Gus will have to find another editor for his  literary efforts.

Lynne,The walker or
Peaches or
Alleycat or Auntie

THE DADDY DIARIES
September 26, 2006

    Today my new walker came.  She was five minutes early and I was still snoozing.  I had seen her around the building before so she was not that scary.  After struggling to open my gate, she finally lifted me over it.

    She was supposed to hold me until I got to the elevator in case I had a wee leak but she was a bit disorganized so I walked there on my own.  She was so busy stuffing lists and treats and balls in her pocket and her plastic glove to scoop my poop.  I gave her a break and held everything in until I was outside. 

    When I was told to sit on the elevator I did.  She was a bit slow getting my treat out of the bag though.   On the main floor a bunch of women oogled me and gushed over how cute I am.
 
    Once outside I had a good pee and demanded a treat instantly.  The dads had left her a page of instructions.  One instruction was to give me a lot of praise when I did my “business”.  I was to go out and have a pee and then come in and eat lunch and then got out again for a long walk.  I’ll get her trained.  She wouldn’t let me drink any rainwater though.  After we walked around the building we went in and she gave me a yummy lunch.  I wolfed down the water.

    About half an hour later she turned up again and seemed a bit more organized this time.  I noticed she had a purse to carry all my goodies in.  Because I acted maturely before lunch, she let me walk to the elevator again and I got another treat for not dribbling.  Once again, she ordered me to sit on the elevator but heck, if that means I get another treat, I did it.  She is getting the gist of this.

  We walked around the building again but this time I had a big dump outside our building superintendent,  Rozillia’s back door before I went to my favorite corner.  I’m not shy anymore.  Lynne put on her mitt and looked a bit squeamish as she picked up my rather large poo that was still warm in her hand.  I can tell it was her first time.  I had a good laugh.

  Then we were off for our walk.  We went across the street and up Madison Avenue.  She lets me sniff at things as long as I want.  If she gets impatient, I just lie down and don’t budge and glare at her.  She will get the message.  I wanted to eat a cigarette butt but she was stern.

  There is a beautiful little park there and I met a beagle called Sadie.  I don’t think Sadie is too impressed with me though.  Maybe I should not have sniffed her bottom before I introduced myself.  I hope I see her again.  I tried to play with her but she is an older woman and was not into rolling around.  Actually I am a bit crushed because she actually ignored me.  I am not used to indifference.

  And that was it.  I did another widdle on the Pharmacy lawn before I came in.  Once inside that dumbbell you got to walk me decided to open the gate to put me in.  I was pretty tired out so immediately went to lie in my cage.  Once she opened the gate, she could not remember how to put it back. I snickered to myself watching her struggle.  The apt. was pretty hot and the sweat was running down her face but I think she finally got it.  

  It got really hot today so she opened the balcony door so I could get some fresh air.

  Oh yeah… I was bad.  When she came for me the second time, I immediately bolted down the hall into the bedrooms looking for one of you.  She did not come after me, as I guess she values peoples’ privacy.  She called me and I came because I knew there would be a treat in it for me.  I can’t remember if I did a little piddle in there or not.  She trusted me and didn’t go to look, so if I did, don’t be mad at her or me.  Tomorrow I won’t give her such a hard time.  We’ll whip her into shape.

  And I did not bite or nip at all.  Well, actually I tried and she just said “no” so I gave up.  She says I am a man magnet for her.  What does that mean?  One guy actually told her I was cute but I think he is too young for her.

  Well that’s it daddies.  I am glad you are home, or at least one of you is.  I think you may have to get her a new treat bag though because she was so anxious to get me my treat on demand that I believe she ripped it.  What a birdbrain. Oh yeah, that reminds me I saw some birds.  She immediately kept me on the move.  She says knowing one bird killer is enough.  What is she talking about????

Can’t wait until tomorrow to see if Sadie has forgiven me.

I’m tired.

Love Gus

dog2
THE DADDY DIARIES
 September 27, 006

  Well daddies, I was having a snooze and the new walker came a bit early.  She seemed a bit more together and efficient than yesterday.  She muttered something about going to the dreaded dentist.

  Rather than struggling with my gate again, she lifted me over it.  This time, she did not let me race down the hall and she held me all the way to the elevator.  I wanted to do a little trickle just to fluster her but decided “hey, give the woman a break.”

     I did good and sat all the way to the ground floor.  This time I did not have to glare at her for my treat.  She is getting faster.

  There was a woman in a wheel chair that fussed over me.  Then the elevator doors opened and little baby Toyo came out in his pram.  The wheelchair lady, Wendy me thinks her name is, stopped patting me and started googling over the baby.  I did not like it and I gave a tiny bark.  I don’t like sharing the spotlight with anyone.  I am the star here and the sooner they get to know it the better.

  It was raining out so I had a quick but looooooong peepee. It was hardly raining at all under the trees. I love getting rainwater on my tongue but she wouldn’t let me run in the puddles.  She is going to be a tough one. We came in and the lady dried me off and put me back in my office.  Lunch was served and she did a disappearing act.

  When she reappeared I had not even eaten any lunch.  I had drunk all my water.  She said, “No, no, we can’t have this.”  She hand fed me.  I liked it and made sure I scattered some of my bickies (biscuits) over the floor where she couldn’t reach them so I could have a snack after lunch. My tummy was still a bit upset after that awful noise in the night.  What is thunder daddies?

  Then she scooped me up and it was off outside again.  I sniffed and walked and ran and tried to dig, but she outsmarted me.  We walked all around the building and she took me where she thought I would widdle, but I fooled her.  I grabbed the harness and tugged and tugged and growled.  I tried to con her into thinking it was a game and I would get another treat but me thinks she is onto me.

  After exhausting every spot in the backyard, I had a piddle and a poo on the side lawn.  I have to keep her guessing.  I made two long juicy ones and spread them out so she couldn’t get them with one grab.  Hah!  You shoulda seen her face.  Not as green as yesterday and I think the wet grass took some of the steam out of it and it was not as warm.

  Then she brought me in and tried to towel me.  What a fuss.  I let her know I am no wimp and was not amused.  By this time I was very tired and went quickly into my bed for a dognap.

  She promised she would come up for ten minutes this afternoon to play ball in the hall because she cheated me out of the walk around the block.  I wanted to go and do a number on the frat lawn because they were indeed noisy last night but I don’t think she will take me today because I can hear it is raining again.

Love
The Gus



THE DADDY DIARIES
 September 27, 2006

  The lady came on time today.  She says her name is Lynne but I have a few other chosen names for her.  I kinda like her.  I like to see if I can trick her.

  Yesterday she threatened to get a diaper bag to carry all my gear in.  So help me, if she does, I shall have a few choice nips for her.  I don’t want to look like a sissy.  I think she was just threatening me because I tried to play a game with my leash, which caused her to drop the treats, and I grabbed one.  Hahaa.  She is so easy. For an ol’ girl she is really spry.  She sprints me around the back of our building just to give me a good stretch.

  I forgot to tell you that yesterday I rolled in the wet grass.  I just felt like it.  The lady quickly got me up.  It was my equivalent of taking a shower.  I like to bug her.

   Today is a beautiful day.  Lynne came on time and I was really happy to see her.  I ran all the way to the elevator without a trickle.  I held it all in until I got to her apartment.  She wanted me to see the woman who is painting her apartment.    The paint lady rubbed my tummy and back and I had a wee leek.  But what can I guy do when someone tickles their tummy?  It was too close to the control center, if you know what I mean.  My muscles are not fully developed there yet.

   Anyway, we went outside and there were lots of kids in the park.  Three ran to the fence to see me.  One told Lynne that he had a book about Gus the butterfly. What’s a butterfly ever done to rate getting a book published about him? Who ever heard of a butterfly named Gus???  How come no one writes a book about me??????

  We had a quick walk around the building and I did a long weeeeee and then right in front of the building I did my grunties.  Lynne was rather surprised but quickly swooped down to retrieve my pungent pile. She was very impressed.

  Then we went in for lunch.  When Lynne came back half an hour later I had drank all my water but did not eat much lunch.  I guess I did too many things right before lunch and had too many treats.  The little ones gave me a treat each.

  I had no sooner gotten out of the apt. building than  a big dog called Charlie came along.  Is he on drugs?  Charlie is so hyper and leaps and jumps.  Absolutely no class.  Anyway, I did get a little whiff of his exterior before he leaped and bolted down the street.

  Today we went through the parking lot to feed the birds (she says that if we make the birds our allies, they won’t give us bird flu, plus she has to butter them up because Emily, Lynne’s cat, ate one).  I got to chase them a bit.  Then we walked along Bloor Street and visited the woman who sells hot dogs who is going to Serbia tomorrow.  Every kid and woman walking along the street stopped to pat me.  I ran in the little park and over the hills behind the hot dog lady.  

  We crossed the street and came back to the Madison Avenue Park where I did my duty as a man magnet and snared a few cute guys for her.  As we walked down the street I rolled and rolled on a stone lawn.  It felt rather like having a good massage I imagine.  Then three older guys came along.  One really liked me, and I knew he must be kinda her type so I really made a fuss over him and chased him down the street a bit.  Lynne said not to bother that he was someone from the Renaissance House, a drug and alcohol abuse center near the corner of Madison and Lowther.  It used to be an old age home where Lynne’s mum lived for a few years before they sold it. Although the guy was rather nice, Lynne said she did not need a recovering alcoholic in her life at this time.

  Another widdle piddle on the Frat lawn (the no alcohol one) and then I ran and played ball in the park.  One more pee on Rozalia’s lawn and it was time to go in for a nap.  She let me eat a little as I was really hungry.

  Well daddies, that is all for now.  I will be glad when my other daddy is home from Europe.  It is lonely with only one dad.

A good Gus
Who has not bitten or nipped anyone for three days
Yahooooooooooo

dog3
THE DADDY DIARIES
October 3, 2006

  Well daddies, there I was having a wee snooze when a lady called my name and woke me up.  I stared at her blankly for a few minutes. She kept calling my name but I would not get out of my cage.  I snickered when she had to lift her leg over the gate and come and get me.  I was pretending I did not know her.

  Actually I did recognize her but I just wanted to give her a hard time because I had not seen her since last week.  Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

  She looked very confident today and had a new bag with her.  She told me it was not just for me so I was not to get too cocky.  She also carries a camera in it in case she notices something interesting to take a picture of, bird food, squirrel food, and a bottle of water for her, oh yeah, as well as all my goodies.

  We saw pizza man on the elevator (he delivers pizzas for a living).  Did you know he was scared of dogs?  Who could be scared of little ol’ me?  Lynne ses he should be more frightened of his wife because the wife threw him out in the hall in the nude last year when they were having a fight.  If that wasn’t bad enough, his next-door neighbour is a senior citizen and nearly gave herself a heart attack when she looked out the peekhole at him..  

  We went for a good long walk along the back streets where I saw a white poodle that kept glancing back at me but her mom was on the phone.  She was kinda porky though and I don’t like all those curls.  I much prefer Sadie.  Do you think some dogs look like their owners?  Am I going to look like you when I get older?????

  We passed the school kids and some of them know my name.  I love to hear them chanting “Gus,Gus, Gus.”  It makes me feel kinda important.

  We fed the birds and the squirrels and Lynne let me chase one. Some of the squirrels looked mangy but Lynne said that is because they are mothers and rip the fur off their backs to make a soft nest for their wee ones.  One squirrel had no ears.  Sump in chewed them off. She said it is not nice to pick on animals smaller than me though.  It is a form of bullying. I did try to trip one bald man for Lynne but she told me not to bother because he was still too young and she does not like FuManChu mustaches.

  The walker asked me to have you leave her our home phone number.  She only has your work numbers.  Also, she said she does not feel obligated writing the doggy journals.  It only takes a minute and she likes to keep track of my progress.  For example, today she noticed I am paying more attention to trees and posts and why there is a smell on them like mine.  She is wondering if I am getting ready to lift a leg.

Love Gus


THE DADDY DIARIES
October 4, 2006

  It was raining today.  Not my favorite kinda day.  This morning there was a big clap of thunder but that was all.  Lynne told me that if there were a big storm, she would have come up to comfort me and distract me by playing ball in the hall.  However, it didn’t come to that.

  I hate rainy days because there are not many girls out.  Sadie probably won’t be in the park and Annabelle doesn’t like to get her tootsies wet, even with her designer boots on.  I think she is high maintenance.  Also my willy gets damp on the wet grass.  I’ll be so happy when I learn to lift a leg.

  Lynne asked me to get some advice from you.  She said that twice she has come up to take me for my long walk and I had not eaten a speck of lunch.  I can’t help it.  I just get so excited thinking I might see Sadie that   I don’t feel hungry.  Also when she brings me back from the long walk, she doesn’t know whether to leave the food down or not.  She compromises and throws a few handfuls of my bikkies on the floor so I won’t get hyperglycemia or whatever before one of my dads comes home.  What should she do?????

  Today I had to wait impatiently while she looked for my treat bag.  She couldn’t find it so she swiped a handful out of a bottle.  They sure are chewy.  It took me the whole elevator ride to chew my treat but it was yummie.

  Lynne’s father was a journalist and Lynne writes for various health magazines and she has written a book.  She also sed that if she were a nanny, she would have to give her employers an account of the kids’ activities.  Therefore, she thinks it is only fair that she keeps my dads up to date on my progress and impeccable behaviour.  Or does she mean “questionable”?

  Forget that impeccable behaviour remark.  That was until I met Sparkie and Jane that live upstairs.  Jane is amazing and is still working at Sears at the age of 89.  She and Sparkie are old.  Sparkie let me give her a little kiss.  Then I went to have a sniff of you know what.  Did I know she was about to finally do her business?????  Lynne yanked me up and Sparkie sucked her you know what in again.  We quickly left.  Jane was not too amused because she had been out in the rain for ages waiting for Sparkie to get the urge.

  If the apartment does not look the way you left it that is because she had to chase me around to dry me off.  What does she think I am?  A sissy?  She says she can’t figure you two out.  She has never seen so many pictures of your women friends and she just noticed the lamp today with all the nudes on it.  Haha.  You two sure are interesting.

Affectionately
With a few licks

Gus


THE DADDY DIARIES
WEEK TWO - DAY THREE

October 5, 2006
Dear Daddies
Dearest Daddies
Daddies Dear
My Dear Daddies

  Dear dear daddies, will you still love me if I have been a very naughty boy????  Will you still buy me treats and play with me if you know I have brought great shame on our family?  If I have tarnished your impeccable reputations will you still take me to the park???  I did sumpthin’ reeeeeaaaaallly bad and you will be cross with me.  I couldn’t help it. The devil made me do it.  Love can do strange things to one, can’t it?

  I guess I should start at the beginning.  My auntie came to get me today and our big walk took us over across the back streets up Madison, through the laneway between the boutique and the pub and over to the Native Centre on Spadina Avenue. I did a big wiggly one once we turned the corner and she had to carry it at arm’s length for a half block before she found a waste can.  I couldn’t stop snickering.  Whata whooooos.

     Lynne had to drop some books off for their library.  There was a man sitting on the sidewalk and I jumped into his lap and licked him splendidly.  Did you know that Native people don’t have much hair on the bodies?  I never knew that.  He laughed and rubbed my ears.  Once inside, I ran behind the counter and swung on the receptionist’s long gray braid.  She loved it.  Another lady let me lick her leg and she called me “adorable”.

   That was not what got me into trouble though.  We walked back across Bloor Street so I would not have as many lawns to poke around and try to dig up.  Suddenly I saw Sadie.  This large white posterior was beckoning me from the distance.  I remember what Lynne had said and I was not going to sniff her until I had given her a few licks and kisses.  I ran up to her and kissed her on the butt a few times and gave her a few long licks.

   Suddenly Sadie reared on her feet and gave a huge gasp.  Lynne gave me a quick tug back and I heard her apologizing profusely to the young woman who had been bending over tying her shoelace.   Women, in my opinion should not be allowed to wear hip hugger pants that show their thong and bare butt to the world.  How was I to know this white flesh and brown jeans was not Sadie?  Sure looked like it from where I was standing.  

   Daddies, I am sorry. I am not really a midget pervert you know.  I got class.  I got manners.  I just thought it was my little Sadie.  Oh where, or where is she?

  Yesterday I met a grouch called Snoozer who just took one look at me and was envious of my good looks.  He tried to charge me but Lynne was faster.  She said his name was more likely Looser because he had such a bad disposition.  Maybe Snoozer had not had his snooze.

  I’m sorry about the lady, daddies, honest.  Confidentially, I think I gave her a bit of a thrill.  What do you think????  Am I forgiven?

Your loving child Gus

 THE DADDY DIARIES
October 10, 2006

  My walker turned up today with an umbrella so I knew it was going to be another of those wet willy days.  I hate getting it wet doing what comes naturally to me.  I heard her muttering to herself why it always rained on HER days.  

  She says she is starting to like me more than her cat, Emily,  because Emily is very stubborn.  Ever since she ate the sparrow she cannot go out on the balcony unsupervised.  Lynne sed yesterday she heard Emily trying to open the screen with her claws.  My kinda woman - tough and focused.  (Emily, not Lynne).

  Jack, the big wiener dog from the ninth floor was on the elevator.  Lynne said he is looking old.  Pizza man was also on the elevator and got a bit sulky because we talked to Jack before him.  Anyway, Jack let me nuzzle him and he told me that he had gone to the Blue Jays baseball game this year.  They had a whole dog section and a play station and tons of treats and he got to wear his Blue Jays t-shirt and cap.  Can we go next year?  Maybe the game will fall on my birthday.  I can hardly wait.

  On my widdle walk, I had a widdle and a big poooop.  Auntie is trying to teach me to write my initial G with it when it comes out.  She thinks I am very talented and with a bit of effort, I could do it.  Today she was shocked because I had three big long sausages come out of me.  

  I gave her a bit of attitude when we came in and  I hid behind the coffee table.  She corned me though and I let her rub me down.  

   When we come in the lobby, Auntie drops my leash and lets me run to the elevator on my own.  She wants me to become more mature and independent.  Today when we got upstairs I got off the elevator and wouldn’t budge.  I did not want to go home yet, I was having tooooo much fun.  Lynne sayed I was developing “attitude”.  Emily is not the only one who can be stubborn.  If I dunna wanta, I dunna wanta.

    On our big walk we went to the Hardware store.  Most stores won’t let animals in but the hardware store encourages it.  While I was in there, a one-eyed dog called Ivor came in.  I smiled at him.  The sales staff love doggies like me and have a bag of treats behind the counter for us.  Yumyum.  I gotta bonus today.  Lynne wonders why the men don’t have treats for the women who come in the store.  She figures they either are married or stupid for missing this opportunity.

   When we were walking by the drugstore Annie, the bag lady, was sitting there.  She is a big fat jolly woman who has been in the neighbourhood for years. She called me cutie pie. My auntie says that she has cleaned up her act over the years.  Annie used to wear only a raincoat and, yes, she would walk in front of trucks or cars and flash the drivers.  Once she flashed an eleven- year-old kid in the health store.  The mum wasn’t too pleased and it was not long after that her behaviour changed.  Aunt Lynne thinks they must have her on meds.  She didn’t flash me.

   Then Auntie took me up St. George Street to a friend’s apartment to drop off some videos.  Aunt Cathy has a twenty-six pound cat called BJ.  He spends most of his day in the cupboard, usually only venturing out at night.  I roared when the walking balloon tried to run down the hall from me.  Haha.  What a view.  The other cat, Teddy, looked at me from across the room.  His hair puffed out around him like a halo.  Why don’t cats like me?  Lynne said that Aunt Cathy  had a heart attack this year because she takes too many Tylenol.  Apparently she was up to 22 a day so she wouldn’t get a headache.  Are  women stupid?

   It was a rather boring day.  Nobody stopped to pet me and there was not even one dog out for a walk.  Lynne tol’ me tomorrow would be a better day.  But what does she know?  She also said the daddies spoil her, like they do me.  I let her rub me down as long as I got to lick her glasses.

Love Gussykins


THE DADDY DIARIES
October 11, 2006

SUBJECT: OOOPS, I DID IT AGAIN

Dear Daddies

Oh, oh, I have been a bit of a bad boy again.  Lynne says I am as stubborn as a mule and she thinks my name should be Donkey rather than Gus.  She says I have “attitude”.

Well, what is a guy to do?  I can’t let her win all the time.  She has mastered the gate so I can’t watch her struggling to lift her leg over it.  It wasn’t raining today so I didn’t get to run her ragged around the coffee table.  So I had to think of something.

Today we went to three parks in search of Sadie, or any playmate.  There was not a dog to be seen.  Because it wasn’t raining, the kids were in the park again calling out to me.  They aren’t allowed to touch me though, one of the teachers said, just in case one may have allergies and the parents give the teacher heck.  Whata load of sissies.  So when that got borin, we went south on Huron to the little park where I terrorized some pigeons.  Then the trouble began when we got to the Spadina/Bloor parkette – the one with the little hills I love.  I smelt something and I was not going to give it up.  She tugged and tugged and dragged me and I just balked and dug all four feet in.  Then when she came to give me a talking to, there was enough slack in my harness that I could maneuver and grab the good smell.  I did.  Yahoooo.  Victory is mine.

Auntie gave my leash a tug thinking it was a leaf and I would let it go.  Didn’t work.  I was having a good chew.  She pulled me over to a domino slab (supposedly art) and sat me on her knee.  I was really trying hard to get it all chewed and down my throat.  Anyway, after a power struggle between the two of us, she pried open my jaw and shook me and out popped the chicken bone I had found.  She gave me a good scolding and told me that one bird fanatic in the family was enough and had I been talking to Emily???

We walked on a lot of sidewalks after that.  No more parks for me today.  That was a bad thing I did.  Also, she is a bit annoyed at me because as a man magnet I am not doing my job.  She says that other than my two daddies, I have terrible taste in men.  Today I jumped on the lap of a man playing a harmonica.  He didn’t have any teeth.  Maybe that was what made his music so good.  Also, I am picking them too young.  She says 19 is not a good age for her.  While one should get someone young and train them, 19 is beneath her.  She is not a kiddy diddler whatever that means.

I guess I should ease up on the ol gal.  I just like to make her life interesting.  Auntie also told me that she thinks one of the daddies is giving me beer because I had three whizzes today and one big you know what.  Doesn’t she get it that I am just marking my territory?  What a dummy.  Well, tomorrow is another day.  I shall have to see what else I can do to keep her on her toes.  It is good for her.

Xox
Gus the Mighty


THE DADDY DIARIES
October 11, 2006

Poor Auntie.  I give her such a hard time.  Today when she came to let me out I ran and hid under the dining room table.  I had the feeling it was another wet willy day and did not want to go out.  She finally caught me and then I showed her I was only teasing by licking her relentlessly.  Is there such a thing for puppies like a thong, or a willy warmer?  I am sick of it getting damp on all the long grass.  Mind you, Auntie ses that if I do get a willy warmer she will not be my dog walker anymore.  What to do, what to do???

Her friend, William, was holding the elevator door waiting for us and he tickled my tummy all the way to the first floor.  I am really growing up.  I did not leak one little bit.  Also, when I am outside, many times I forget to even ask for a treat after I have performed.  Maturity, that is what it is all about, maturity.

Lynne says I am turning into a bit of a peeping Tom and I must be more discreet.  I love to look in the windows of the Pharmacy next door.  I know they like me because whoever has that basement office has a dog screen saver.  Today it was very windy outside and the men with the leaf blower were making a racket. There are not half as many treasures in the grass now that they have cleaned up the lawn.  Shucks!

My big walk was along Bloor Street to the camera store where she dropped off a film.  I can hardly wait to see my pictures.  She says I am going to be a big star.  Everyone on the street smiles at me or stops to pet me or give me a compliment.  One woman in a restaurant came running out just to see ME.  She told me all about her pup but I bet he isn’t half as cute as me.  A mother wanted her baby girl to pat me so I licked her hand.  Best not to jump all over little rug rats, it gets them scared of dogs.  But who could be frightened of a cutie like me?  Auntie wonders what her life would be like if so many people gave her compliments every day and rubbed her behind the ears.  Everyone says hello to dogs but not to each other.  People are very strange. She is thankful that humans do not sniff each other out.

Today I met a cop and he stooped to pet me.  Lynne says it is best to be on their good side. She made sure I did not get too sniffy on him, if you know what I mean.  No crotch shots.

     We went to the hardware store again and I knew where they keep their bag of dog treats.  I headed right for it.  Lynne found a ball with the design of an eyeball on it for me to play with but then she realized it was too soft and would not be good for me.  I wanted another treat and I howled when she led me out of the store.  I sat down, dragged my ass and went on a sit down strike.  It didn’t work though.  I would go about twenty feet and then balk and try to turn back to the store.  She is pretty disciplined though and when I did it for the fifth time, she picked me up and carried me.  I whined a bit but she didn’t fall for it.

We never saw one dog today.  Where are they all?  Are the wimps afraid of the weather?  I was a bit tired when I came home but I sure had fun.  I also saw my Indians (not politically correct to call them that, I am told) and they taught me to say hello in Iroquois language – Beaujois or sumpin.

Your loving son
Gus


THE DADDY DIARIES
 October 17, 2006

When my walker came to get me today she took me down to her apartment to watch an  e-mail she had just received.  It was really neat as it was all about costumes for dogs.  She wanted me to get some ideas as to what I wanted to dress up like this Halloween.  It will not be because I have a choice, but maybe I could get some ideas in my head that I could let my dads know about.  I am sure they have something nifty in mind.

One I really liked was the dog dressed as a horse with a chivalrous knight on his back. Darth Vader has been overdone.  The one I really hated was the poor little guy dressed like a frog sitting on a lily pad.  I know my dads wouldn’t humiliate me like that and probably have something really manly in mind for me, like a biker or a football player.  Maybe I could be Hulk Hogan?

Life goes on as usual such as the kids clinging to the fence chanting my name, the people telling me I am cute.  One man clucked and Lynne didn’t know if the cluck was for me, or for her.  I always like to make her life interesting so today I did a big dump in the middle of the road.  Haha did I snicker watching her trying to scoop it before a huge transport bore down on her.  I was on the sidewalk giggling.

Anyway, she got even in the park when she let me nibble on a lemon before pulling me away.  My teeth chattered and my lips trembled. Yuck.  Today I nearly joined a Frat on Madison Avenue.  One of the boys really liked me.  Auntie says she won’t take me on Madison anymore because there are too many recovering alcoholics walking down the street to the Renaissance Centre and I encourage them all.  Gosh she is fussy.  

She thought she was safe but I went on a bushy lawn and did another you know what.  This one was long and stringy and went on forever and Lynne said I was a good boy because she knew I was trying to write my name.

We went to Huron park and I slid down the slide.  She held me on her lap and we had a wee swing.  Where did you get this nut bar?  Doesn’t she know I am a dog??????

She told me not to tell Emily that I am getting a Halloween costume because she does not want Emily to get jealous.  She has not even been able to get a bell around her neck to warn off the birds so how would she get her in a costume?  Lynne sez we have to be nice to birds because they fly the highest in the sky so are closest to God.  She calls them messengers of God.  God sure has a lot of messengers.  Therefore, we must obtain them as allies because we wouldn’t want them snitching on us.

Your bud
Gus


THE DADDY DIARIES
October 18, 2006

Now daddies, Auntie wants me to assure you that she gives me lots of grass time.  It is not her fault I don’t poo in the proper places.  I am an in-the-moment kinda guy.  When the spirit moves me, it moves.  I don’t wanna get hemorrhoids or whatever that word is or constipated from trying to hold it in.  Anyway, it is good for her… keeps her on her toes.

Yesterday I got a leaf stuck on my willy and she had to pull it off.  That happened when I was rolling in the weeds. She hopes no one got the wrong impression when she was fussing with me trying to get it off.  She does not want to be known as a dogaphile or puppyafile.   I love my weeds but auntie sed I was not to broadcast this as it could give people the wrong impression.  She sed I come from a good home and I was not to tarnish my daddies impeccable reputation by broadcasting to everyone that I was into the weed.

Lynne says she is thinking of becoming a dog whisperer.  She tried to become a cat whisperer but she thinks Emily is deaf, or worse still, stupid.  She is always whispering things to me and trying to teach me stupid tricks.  Someone sent her a video of dogs that could talk or sing.  If she thinks I am going to say “I wuv yu”.  She is just plain daft.  And someone has to tell her that puppies do not do a high five.

Today we went to the Xerox store and I learned to climb upstairs and downstairs.  Gosh I am smart.  Then we went down Dalton Avenue and into a little park where I met Suki a shiatsu.  She was all over me.  I hate desperate females.  She kept kissing me and kissing me and nuzzling me. It turned me off so much I did not even sniff her private parts, if you know what I mean.  She kept looking back at me and whining when her owner pulled her home.  I acted indifferent.  I guess I am a bit of a player.  Can’t help it.  It is in my nature.  When you got it, you got it.  Then I got to chase some squirrels and birds in the Walmer Road circle park.  It was a good long walk and I am off to have a nap now and dream of what costume my dads are making me.


Your Gus


THE DADDY DIARIES
October 18, 2006

I am getting a bit uptight.  Halloween is approaching and I don’t know what the daddies are up to.  Are they planning a party for me?  Are they taking me out trick or treating?  Will I get lots of treats?  Yum yum.  What is Halloween anyway?  Does it have anything to do with weenies?  Are they like wieners?  Lynne says she knows alotta wieners.  I think she uses this name instead of “jerks”.

Today when she came I tried to play it cool and I pretended I was not excited to see her.  I yawned a bit and stayed in my cage.  She called me and when I didn’t go to the gate she walked to the apartment door and I heard it close.  I got hysterical and started whining.  Then her head poked around the corner and she hadn’t really gone at all.  I went back into my cage.  She did it again.  I just can’t be sure with her so this time I let her know I was really sorry and I whined and whined loudly.  Then she smugly stuck her head around the door again.  The ol’ girl tricked me.  She is getting too smart for her own good.  This may indeed be a battle of the wills.

We met tons of people on our walk today.  First we walked by The Buddhist center.  They raise corgis in their backyard and I like to stand on this side of the fence and let them know I am around.  They bark and bark.  They have no idea I am just a little puppy and not a threat to then.  Makes me feel proud.  Then we met Lou, the parking meter man.  Lynne says he is a nice man but he is going to have a lot of bad karma because of all the tickets he gives out.  He has a quota to fill every day.

We walked over to our little park and there were two Indians sitting on the grass having a smoke.  They were at my level so I ran and jumped all over them.  My walker pulled me away because she said they were smoking a joint and she did not want me to ingest any of the smoke as she said I am nutty enough.  As we were walking out of the park I got scared because all of a sudden there was a loud noise and a huge fountain rose up in the air.   The workmen told us that was the way water was drained from the park..

We walked around some more and I finally saw another dog.  This one was new.  Auntie always asks the person approaching if their dog is friendly.  The woman assured Lynne that her corgie/shitsu was friendly.  Her name was Ava.  Anyway, her owner lied because Ava was a bitch.  She really chewed me out.  Yap yap yap and then she barred her teeth at me and tried to nip me.  Jealousy in the female sex is a terrible thing.  I guess it was cause I am cuter than her.  Just cause the queeniewienie has five corgies, does not make Ava royalty.

When we came home a woman from the Pharmacy building next door ran out to see me and she introduced herself as Helen.  She is the woman who works in the basement and she said she sees me peeking in all the time.  Next time I am going to bang my tail on her window.  She is really nice.

And before I forget, a woman postie stopped to pet me and she had a treat for me in her pocket.  She said she carried them for her dog but would let me have one.  Auntie said I was never to bite a postman or they would only bring her and my dads bills.  That is it for today.  Wonder if they are making my costume, or buying it or renting it?  Do you think I will be on Global Television?
With hugs
Affectionately Gussie



THE DADDY DIARIES
October 24, 2006

    What a surprise.  My auntie came to take me for a walk at lunch today.  I was expecting daddy-o to take me for a walk.  That is what auntie calls daddy Ross.  For some reason she calls my other daddy, Niptuck.  She says he is so handsome he will never have to get any nips or tucks.  Haha.  She is a real nutbar isn’t she???  Daddy-o sure won’t need any nips or tucks either.  Anyway, daddy-o is in England, wherever that is.

    The daddies bought me a Halloween costume and it was real cool.  Nothing sissy.  Lynne showed me a picture of some dogs dressed as bananas.  How humiliating  would that be?  I was, or am, batman.  I liked my costume so much they are going to let me wear it on Halloween.  I can hardly wait.  Hope auntie has the courage top take me down Bloor Street.  Wonder if I will get any treats?

    Today we walked to a couple of parks.  It was such a beautiful day.  Auntie sat on a bench in the park and told me the story of Archie and Mehitabel.  She sed Niptuck would probably know about them because the book was written by an Englishman.  She sayed that Archie was a cockroach who could write poetry by jumping head first on some typewriter keys and Mehitabel was a cat who was the reincarnation of Cleopatra.  She sed Archie was a vers libre poet.  That is what I want to be when I grow up.  A vers libre poet.  Auntie is encouraging me to develop more of my right brain.  If a cockroach can write poetry, just think what I can do.

Auntie told me why she feeds the squirrels and the birds.  She thinks she is too young to be a bird lady, but I dunno.  One day she had a peanut and gave it to a squirrel.  The next day the squirrel remembered who she was and followed her all the way home.  Auntie says she remembers the good ol’ days when men would chase her home.  So she started carrying a pocket full of peanuts for the squirrels.  But then…tragedy….the birds started trying to crack open the peanut shells.  So auntie began carrying bits of bread, then seeds, then buying bird balls. Lynne sed she could have paid off her Visa with all the money she spends on these guys.

The birds are very smart and have spies on all the rooftops.  When they see us coming down the street, the call goes out and birds for blocks around, come flying down the street to greet us.  Lynne says it is very humiliating to be followed home by forty waddling birds.  How did she ever sink so low?

She is hoping that as I grow bigger and bolder, I will scare them all away and she can get a life back.  She also confided in me that Emily is a bit kinky.  Apparently she is a shoe sniffer.  The stinkier the shoes, the more Emily is blessed out.

Her computer is screwed up again so you may not get to hear about all my adventures today as she had to write this between my little walk and my big walk before the computer man came.  Toujours gai, toujour gai, as Mehitabel would say.  Wotthehell, wotthehell.  She’s always a lady in spite of it all, wotthehell, wotthehell.

Your devoted doggie
The Gus



THE DADDY DIARIES
October 25, 2006

RE  MAJOR BREAKTHROUGH

Yesterday was an exhausting day.  I had so much fun.  Many houses had scarey things on their lawns for Halloween.  That is.. until I saw the pig.  Why would anyone have a big stone pig on their lawn????   I just don’t get it.  Then antie tried to put me into a bed with two skeletons.  Doesn’t she have any sense?  I still have feelings, ya know.  Halloween is all new to me.  She should take it a bit slower.  Next year, I dare her to go out in costume and see how she likes it.  

The woman in Shoppers told her that Shoppers also carried dog costumes, Elvis, Spiderman etc.  But I bet they were pretty cheap and not as cute as my outfit.

Auntie hung the bird catcher you gave her out on her balcony.  She was really excited when a big blue jay landed on the feeder.  Emily sits all day at the door and watches from the other side of the glass.  Auntie says it is like cat television.  She feels a bit mean though, teasing Emily like that.

Today we went to daddy-o’s park.  As we passed the children at the school yard, they asked me what my name was.  Lynne said it was Gus.  They told her that their school security guard was called Gus.  You didn’t name me after him did you?  Do you think he was named after me?

We met an old man and an old dog and he let me give him a good sniff.  What is it with these old boys?  Have they all lost their sense of duty and their sense of sniff.  I have noticed that old dogs don’t sniff me out.  Have they numbed their noses over the years?  I don’t waste much time sniffing them either.  They have a dried up smell when they get that old.

So we wandered around and I did my grunties and two big pees.  We ran around the park a bit but there was no one there and not much to do.  I like a little action.  Just as we were leaving the park I passed a tree and that is when the big breakthrough happened.  Auntie noticed that I lifted my right hind leg against a tree not once, but twice.  But because I had just done two big pees, nothing came out.  Still, I was trying.

We fed the pigeons and starlings and sparrows in the parking lot and Dante, the man who sits in the little parking lot house, held me while Lynne threw the bird seed.  Then he flapped his wings to scare the pigeons and Lynne, but he didn’t scare me though.

We met a big black lab on the way home called Louie but he didn’t want to play.  Guess he is just set in his ways.  Auntie was pleased that I ate most of my lunch today.  Oh yeah, someone also told her that they give doggies treats at the beer store.  When are we going?  I love the treats at the hardware store.  They are shaped like a big bone and are really chewy.  Yesterday I grabbed a big bone from the frat house at the corner but Lynne threw it back over the hedge.

Well… only a few more hours and daddy-o will be home and life will get back to normal, whatever that is.  Can hardly wait to tell him how I raised my leg today.  Don’t know if it was the first time or not.  Nippy will be proud of me also.  Tomorrow auntie is going to tell me the story of why she is called Peaches.  It has something to do with it being her prison name.  And that is all she would say for now.  That’s my auntie.  Always a lady inspite of it all, toujours gai, toujour gai.


The Gus

THE DADDY DIARIES
October 25, 2006

RE BAD NEWS – REGRESSION

Well, Peaches came to get me today with a new hair do.  She says she has to keep updated as she is getting to meet so many men through me.  No more slinking through the streets being invisible.  She ses daddy-o is always catching her off guard when she is looking a mess and has to run and get a sweater on so he does not see she has taken off her fundamental garments and is letting it all hang out.  I do not know what the heck she is talking about, but it makes sense to her, I guess.  She ses every time daddy turns up she either has laundry hanging all over her doors like an old washer lady or else she is in her grungie clothes.  

Auntie sed I was pretty good today.  I did not bite anyone but I was getting a little barky every now and then when she wanted me to go one way and I wanted to go another way.  She thinks I am going through a dog’s version of the terrible twos.

We had a lot of chores to do today.  First we went to the bank where she got some money out.  That was when I got fidgety and anxious to go on the big walk.  Then we went to the photo store and she got my pictures out.  I should be on the big screen I am so cute.  

I met Laura, a little baby in a stroller and I gave her some kisses.  She wasn’t frightened of me at all.  Then a huge dog, Peaches ses it was a pitbull, came by without a muzzle.  She wouldn’t let us stop and talk because she ses one never knows, does one.

We went to Xerox for a course she is teaching this weekend and then dropped off some papers at a store for Sam, the computer man.  We even went to church.  She puts her fliers in St. Paul’s churchbecause they have a lot of addiction groups that meet there who could use her services.  I was really bad in the Xerox store and barked a lot.  Luckily they know her so they didn’t throw her, or me, out.

When we got near a tree, I tried to do my big man thing but Peaches got the snickers.  What’s her problem?  Apparently I had my nose close to the tree but my back end was nowhere near the tree when I lifted my leg.  One of these days I will get it altogether.  I was so embarrassed that I didn’t try it again.  It is all about coordination me thinks.

Anyway, Peaches told me the story of her name when we sat in the park for a minute.  She sed she used to do some work in the prison.  The other women who rode on the bus told her that she should have a gunmoll name if she was going in there.  The name “Lynne” was too sucky.  Most of the women who went in as visitors were called Rose, June, Dottie etc.  So they decided to call her Peaches. She worked with the Lifers group and the Alternative to Violence groups in several prisons.

I got to meet Rozalia in the lobby and Martha from floor fourteen.  Well, the weekend is here and the daddies will both be home so I am going to have lots of fun.

Actually, I didn’t really miss the tree, I am saving my first tree widdle for the dads.  I also have to get used to lifting a hind leg.  It is a bit breezy on my willy.

Your handsome as a dog son
Gus

dog

THE DADDY DIARIES
October 26, 2006

Good grief!  What a lot of stress I am under.  Everyone is waiting for me to have the big man pee.  I should never have lifted my leg last week when Peaches had me out.  She is a big mouth and told the daddies.  Now I am getting paranoid.  There is no such thing as modesty or dignity anymore.  I am being watched.  And watched closely, I might add.  All three of them want to be the first to see me do the man thing.  Peaches tries to pull me away from the trees so I don’t do it on her shift. She doesn’t want to upstage the daddies. I almost did “the thing” last week but that was until I saw the big pig.  I think the pig scared me and I regressed. I just can’t get the pee and the lifting of the leg to work together.  Piggy threw me right off my coordination. They all need to get a life and stop watching me.  I will do it, when I do it.  What’s the big deal anyway?

Today we went on a big long walk.  Peaches was not too happy with me.  She ses I am either stubborn, stupid, having an identity crisis, regressing or not playing favorites.  In some ways she was relieved I did not do the big man thing with her.  In other ways she looked extremely perplexed when I did not raise my leg once and actually had four long weewees the old fashioned girlie way.

My teeth, or lack thereof, hurt, so I did not want to put any added pressure on myself by trying to coordinate the pee with the leg lift.  Maybe when my teeth are better.  Ugh…what to do?  If I do it with daddy-o he will be relieved of his guilt that he has been away so much.  However, nipper will be put out because he had the major responsibility of looking after me when dad-o was in England.  And I can’t do it with Peaches because she does not want to be fired, or sued for alienation of affection, or upstaging the dads.

I met a big white lab on Madison who was all over me.  I like it when they are bigger than me.  And I saw Sparkie and Jane today.  It was wise of me to ignore Sparkie  last week because today she could not get her nose out of my behind.  Jane let me jump on her and kiss her.  I didn’t bite her though, honest.

Anyway… Peaches ses we are going to see the pig tomorrow.  She thinks the pig has put a curse on and that is why I can’t manage the big boy thing.  She called her Prada pig because she sed the Devil Wears Prada (I think it is a movie she saw) and the pig isn’t an ordinary pig, it is a designer pig.  Therefore, it is a Prada pig. Even though it was raining I didn’t want to come home.  I sat beside Rosalia’s door hoping she would rescue me.  Just when I was giving up hope, she came out the other door.  Peaches kept standing at the elevator door but I wouldn’t go in.  Then Rosalia  and Lynne had to chase me around the lobby because I just loved all the attention and was not going home.

I knew what was coming – the towel thing, so I ran under the dining room table.  She got me though.  Peaches didn’t know what to do about the food.  Daddy o had left her a note stating that I was to eat soft food but there was no soft food out, only hard food  in my bowl.  She put some ice cubes in my water and looked quickly in the fridge for a can of soft food but didn’t see it.  So she gave me a handful of the hard food and heck, I ate it.

Well…..tomorrow is another day and I have to get rested up so I can master my fear of the pig.  

Gosh puberty is difficult
A weary Gus
Who really is trying


THE DADDY DIARIES
October 30, 2006

    Things sure are strange around here.  Mondays daddy o usually walks me but who should turn up today but auntie Peaches.  We had a nice walk but didn’t see any of my pals.

    When we went around the building the kids were all at the fence chanting and yelling “Gus, Gus, Gus.”  One little girl really liked me and kept telling me to have a nice day and waving at me until I was out of sight.  “Have a nice day Gus.”  Auntie ses – what about her???  I get all the attention.  Heeeheeee.  How come no one wishes her a “nice day”?

    We went across another parking lot and down a back sidewalk.  Auntie was glad to see it had reopened.  The condo at the corner – St. George Mews – is sinking into the ground and the walk was crumbling so it had been blocked off for years.  She sed that the Robarts library was also sinking  each year because when the engineers made it, they forgot to account for the weight of books and shelving.

    It was yucky out so we played and played in the lobby.  I like running for the balls but I am not that keen on returning them.  I like Annabelle’s ball better than mine.  I am
lucky she lets me play with it.  I didn’t want to go upstairs no matter how long I played and I gave auntie a hard time.  I ran around and around the lobby, over the chesterfield and chairs and tried to hide behind the plant pot.  She eventually nabbed me.

    Auntie sed I should ask for lots of Christmas toys because I am going to have some misery in my life in January.  What is she talking about?

    That’s all for today dads, auntie has a client in a few minutes and could not write more.


Your son
With attitude
Gusto

dog4

THE DADDY DIARIES
October 31, 2006

    Auntie came to get me early today because she was taking me to get my picture taken with a baby at the corner cafeteria.  I was so excited because I got to wear my Batman costume again. I did my widdle and she fed me a bit and then half an hour later she came and dressed me in my outfit.  I’m a Rockstar.  First we met Glen, the handyman at the church. He loves me.  Last winter Lynne and Glen found a squirrel that had been hit by a car.  It could not break open the nuts because it must have been hit on the head.  The squirrel would sit and wait for Glen’s car to arrive and then Glen hand fed the squirrel peanut butter.  Lynne shelled peanuts for it.  The squirrel recovered and became a mummy this summer.

Then I saw Sparkie and Jane.  Jane loves me.  Sparkie lets me sniff her but she has a bit of anal retention because she keeps her tail glued to her bottom.  Then I met Julie, a beautiful brown lab.  I lay on the sidewalk and pinned for her when her owner made her walk on.

Auntie introduced me to a street fellow called Dave who has been a street person for over fifteen years.  He is from down east. He got beaten up one night and was in a coma for a month.  Now every now and then he has seizures.  Dave was eating barbeque potato chips and he gave me a few crumbs.  I luved the new taste.  I tried to get more but auntie made me move on.

We went to the cafeteria and Desphina, who is the grandbaby of the owner, was dressed as a pumpkin.  She is only eight months. We had out picture taken together.  We didn’t stay long as doggies are not supposed to be anywhere where there is food.

We took in another roll of film and then we went and saw Mary at the bakery.  I am not allowed to go in so I barked from the door.  Mary called all the staff and everyone came out to see me in my costume.  They gave me a little breadroll but Lynne stuck it in her pocket and would not let me have it.  She said it was for her birds.

    I sat outside a restaurant and stared at the people in the window.  They were thrilled and started clapping.  Then we went to the hardware store for one of their yummy treats.  A man with a plantpot on his head took my picture.

    Everyone we passed on the street smiled at me or stopped to pat me.  Auntie took me on some back streets so I could get my picture taken with some pumpkins and ghosts.  She tried to take my picture with a stone pig on Dalton but I was afraid of the pig.  It sure looked real to me.

    The girls from next door came out to see me and so did Rozaillia, our building superintendent.  I sure was tuckered out when I finally got back in. Gosh I was good.  Tonight daddy Niptuck and I will have some quality time together.  He is always a bit lonely when Daddy-o is away but I will give him lots of licks.  Daddy Niptuck, I am sorry I did a bit of peepee on my belt.  Maybe you can wash it for next year.

    Auntie loved the clever card wit my picture on it and especially her favorite chocolates.

Love
A very tired
Gus
Otherwise known as Batman

devo costume

THE DADDY DIARIES
November 1, 2006
    We no sooner got out the front door today when I was attacked by grumpy Fred who is an old schnauzer/maltese.  His owner was right.  Grumpy Fred was sure grumpy.  He barked and barked at me to warn me off but he sure looked silly with a big brown leaf hanging out the side of his face.  I gave him quite a dance to show that he didn’t scare me.

    Auntie asked me to thank Daddy o for her.  He made her life a lot less difficult yesterday.  She is very right brained (bird brained if you ask me) and the techno stuff leaves her speechless.  Someone gave her a DVD last Christmas and she just learned how to turn it on last week.  She wishes she was back in the horse and buggy era.  More her style.

    Today we went along Bloor.  Lynne was all excited because one of her favorite stores, Los Incos, closed and now it has reopened near the show at Bathurst.  He carries a lot of her cards.  She doesn’t know how well he will do though because he is now on the second floor.  The rents along Bloor are getting more and more expensive and a lot of the unique stores are being forced out.  BMV was supposed to get a wine license for the second floor but it was refused so they may not make it.  They have to sell at least 4/500 books a day just to break even. It cost them over $$M just to clear the property and rebuild.

    Anyway, we met Hazel, a big Arindale.  She was all over me.  For some reason I drive all these women crazy.  I guess I am a real player because most of the dogs I meet these days are all female – except for grumpy Fred and sissy Arthur who can’t lift his leg yet.

    I met another new cutie today, Coco.  She was part lab and part apricot poodle.  She was a big one but a bit more mature than Hazel and didn’t go quite as nuts over me.

    Then I began behaving badly.  I dug my feet in a lot, jumped up on an old man and scared him and I even tried to take some toonies out of a homeless person’s bowl.  She sed I warmed her up though.

    Auntie got really annoyed with me though. I did something sacrilegious.  I peed all over a sign at St. Paul’s church advertising a candlelight service.  Auntie sed I was not very respectful.

    Then the silly woman bought me a clown’s nose.  She tried and tried to stick it on my nose but every time she did, I grabbed it and chewed it.  Sure fixed her.

Your teenager son
Gus

THE DADDY DIARIES
November 2, 2006

    Boy, oh boy, if she calls me stupid again today, I want you to fire the ol’girl.  She is a cat person so wadusheknow about how long it takes a puppy to get the co-ordination thing downpat?  Diddly squat, that’s what.  Anyway, I sure conned her yesterday.  Daddy-o wrote her a note saying I was feeling poorly because of my teeth.  She thought she would have an easy walk.  Hah!  I had sit down and lay down strikes, I wouldn’t get on the elevator, and then, I wouldn’t get off. I gobbled down my treats without so much as a thany you.  I don’t want her getting too confident.

    Yesterday we also saw the men lining up for the Out of the Cold program at St.  Paul’s church. Auntie has a soft side because she used to do volunteer work for them last year.  She sed it was exhausting scrubbing 60 lbs. of potatoes every Tuesday.  She tol me the men and some of the women begin lining up at the church door at 1 p.m.  They are not allowed in the church until nearly 6 p.m.  They line up so they can be sure of having a hot meal and a piece of floor to sleep on for the night.  They get a good meal, can watch a movie and then get to sleep in rows on the floor.  They get up at 6 and out by 8 in the morning.  Not much of a life.

    True to her promise, auntie dragged me over to see Prada pig again and on our way there we saw lots of others dogs today.  Gosh there sure are a lot of geriatric cases in the neighbourhood.  But I got to meet Minnie in her little designer raincoat and then a Lapsu and a grey poodle – Alex and Greg.  Auntie wonders what is with me….I did not even try to lift my leg once today.  I have had enough of the humiliation.

    First we met a barenaked woman and she had a big tush.  I tried to crawl up and sniff it but she was too tall.  Then we went along the street and lo and behold there was Peggy Prada lounging on the lawn and glowering at me.  Auntie sed that it was in my best interest to get over my fears and maybe that would help me with my piddle thing.  Often I get so excited piddling that I start walking before I have finished and it shoots out onto my front feet.

I forged ahead and went right up to Miss Peggy pig and I looked her right in the eye. She didn’t blink.  So, feeling sure of myself, I inched my way down to her rear end and quickly stuck my nose on her private parts.  She must be an ol’ fart because there was absolutely no smell to her.  Disgusting.  Dried up like an ol’ prune.  Now that I know there is nothing to fear, I will not give her the time of day again.

Then Auntie dragged me across the street where someone had left out an ol’ toilet.  Auntie tied me to it to take my picture and she threatened that she would sit me on it during our next walk if I don’t get back to learning to lift my leg again.

We had a tug of war all the way home.  She wouldn’t let me go in my hardware store to see the boys and get my treat.  She sed it would be too hard on my gums.  So I fixed her, I found a chicken leg bone on the street and tried to wolf it down but no matter how hard I jerked, she yanked it out of my mouth.

We saw Jane and Glen, the handyman and a man with a guitar sang to me.  I had so much fun that I sat near the elevator when we got home and tried to make her take me out again.  Then she had to chase me around the living room with the towel and I got stuck behind the chesterfield and she cornered me.  I put my paws on her lap and my head on her belly and let her mop me dry.  I gave her lots of hugs and she sed she forgave me for being such a naughty dog.  I got two ice cubes at lunch and another two to keep me going until the dads come home.  One of them left the lights on in the dining room and living room, so Peach turned them out and sed she would see me tomorrow and we would have some more adventures.  I lay down my head and dreamed of how I confronted the piggie.   Yahooooo.

Your happily tired out
Gus





THE DADDY DIARIES
November 3, 2006

It is interesting, isn’t it what a difference a day makes?  I feel downright perky and cocky today after my encounter yesterday with Miss Piggie.  Boh oh boy, did I ever show her I wasn’t afraid of her aloofness.  There will be no living with me now because  I am the King and I can do anything I put my mind to.  That will teach her to be so standoffish and give me the cold shoulder.

Auntie ses Daddy-o has a weird sense of humour making her look all over for the soft food.  She sed she is not one to get even, or to seek revenge, but one day, when he is least expecting it…… look out for a surprise.  Heee hee.  And that is all she will say.  I like her mind.

Yesterday we also went by the School of Philosophy.  Auntie mentioned it would be in my best interest to think of my future.  Next week she is going to take me for a walk down Philosophers’ lane.  She thinks the ions are really high there ---- all those brainy people walking in that area.  She thinks it may help my technical problem and will rewire my brain to give a maximum performance.  She doesn’t get it at all.  I am just not interested in growing up too fast because little puppies have more fun.  I love the adoration I receive all around me.  I could do “the thing” if I really want to.  

I saw Patricia, the stewardess from the ninth floor and her boyfriend today in the lobby.  She is really nice.  Once Auntie and I went up to the twelth floor to leave a book for Wendy who is in a wheelchair.  As soon as we got off the elevator we heard barking.  Wendy has a little yappy chiwawa or whatever you call those little insects. 

Auntie took me out around the building and her face fell when I did my weewee thing and peed on my front foot again.  She sed I have no class whatever that means.

She is going to tell you what else we did today, next week. She is off to see the movie “The Queen” with a friend.  So she told me to tell you this will be a short account of my misbehavins.

Love Gussie


THE DADDY DIARIES
November 6, 2006

Auntie came to see me today and I was so excited to see her, I nearly jumped over my gate. I miss her when I don’t see her for a few days.  Not that I don’t like spending time with the dads but the aunt always corrupts me somehow and gets me into mischief.  Wonder if we will see the pig today, or my naked lady????

Auntie was very impressed with my tooth you left her and she ses she will get it bronzed or gilded to hang around her neck.  She wondered what the no poop sign was for?  Was she to stick a plug in my bottom so I couldn’t go?  Not blinkin likely.

Auntie got really excited when I sniffed and sniffed a tree.  She thought for sure I was going to do the man thing.  Heck, I gotta nuf stress with all these teeth falling out.  Could hardly crunch my bikky today but slobbered on it real good to soften it up.  Where are my soft treats?  Anyway, I sniffed at the tree and then went and did a woman widdle.  I could tell by the look on auntie’s face, she was disappointed in me, even though she is not the judgmental kind (so she ses).  

Did a big grunty on the geared- to- income lawn.  Gotta spread my smell around.  Let the other yokels know there is a serious contender in the neighbourhood.  There is a new boy (soon to be man) on the street.

We walked along Bloor Street.  Lynne wanted to give some pictures she had taken to Dante and Dave and the flower pot man, Howard.  We ran into my Indian and he had a bun in his hand – the size of a lady finger – well I grabbed it and before either of them could grab me, I scoffed it down.  It was nice to have something soft after the hard treat I got. I hope all those carbs don’t constipate me. Then we went to the hardware store where Howard played with me and he broke up my big bone treat so I didn’t have to chew a lot.  

Then as I came along the street I washed the face of two panhandlers and one Out of the Cold person.  They appreciated the lovin I gave them.

Auntie felt bad today because she sed two of her squirrels got killed last week – a young black one and a grey one. Did you know that the black squirrels pick, on the grey squirrels and try to chase them so they don’t get the peanuts she leaves for them?  One of her squirrels has no ears.  Who, beside Mike Tyson or VanGogh would chew off someone”s ear?

I wrapped myself around four young men just so she could talk to them and get some attention.  Sometimes I feel bad that everyone fusses over me and not her.  Such is life.

As we came along Bloor Street I did the leg lift thing but again nothing came out.  Is it supposed to?  I guess it is all about coordination and timing.  Auntie ses that when I master it, I can use big boy words.  No more sissy stuff like widdle and peepee, and grunties.  I don’t think she will let me use the “s” word  or will not let me say I did a crap but she will let me say I took a piss, or I had a good dump.  I can hardly wait.  Growing up is such fun.

dog

Your boy Gus
THE DADDY DIARIES
November 7, 2006

Auntie came to get me early today.  She said that she had to break our walk into parts because she had a client at 12:30.  We went for a long walk around 11.  I had three widdles ladylike style.  Didn’t even bother to try lifting the ol leg.  She sed she is going to get a pair of tongs to lift all the weeds of my willy (I’m not allowed to call it a wiener yet, until I do the big man thing) and now even off my bottom. Everyday there are more and more leaves.  She sed not to worry that in the winter, my willy will get icicles if I take so long to pee or poo.

Saw two ugly dogs on my walk.   One growled at me from the other side of the street.

Auntie took me to see a psychiatrist on Madison Avenue.  She sed I needed one but the way he was looking at her, methinks it was more about her than me.  We met the shrink outside his office and he let me climb all over him.  Although auntie told the man I had some problems, he sed that I looked pretty stable to him.  Haha.  Fooled her.

I met a crossing guard and got his white pants a bit muddy but hey, no one should be wearing white in November anyway.  I dragged my derrier all the way home once I saw our building approaching.  I didn’t want to go back in.  Auntie promised to come back at 2 o’clock to take me on part two of our walk because I didn’t do poopoo.  Tomorrow she mentioned we would walk around the University so I could get inspired and motivated. She is hoping the change of scenery will perk me up to produce.

 Lynne came up to get me around 2 o’clock and we went on another of our walks.  I had been sulking because my first walk was not as long as I wanted.

I DID IT.  I DID IT.  I DID IT.

YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.  Auntie could not believe her eyes.  I actually lifted my leg and peed at the same time.  Mind you it did not get very high on the tree and most of it soaked into the ground, but I actually co-ordinated it.  She thinks it is because she had me see the shrink this morning.

I’m de man.  I’m de man.  I’m de man.  I just pretended it was no big deal and wouldn’t even let her give me a treat afterwards.

I was pretty tired when I got home from all that concentration.  Even though I wanted to play outside more I needed a little rest.  Oh yeah, I met a shy Schnauser a grey one called Annie.  She wouldn’t let me sniff her because I guess I was still too excited from the big man thing.

PISS, leak.  Heehee I get to say all the big man words now. No more piddle, grunties, poopoo etc.  I get to say grown up words.  And from now on my willy is to be called a wiener.  So there.

Your man Gus



THE DADDY DIARIES
November 8, 2006

Nothing lasts forever.  Auntie came and took me out and I did a girlie pee again.  Auntie says that it is one step forward, and one backward.  She threatened me that if I don’t get more consistent, she will take me for another walk down Madison to see the shrink again.  So I had better shape up.  Can someone please tell her that these things take time.

She ses the heavens are against her and she must have alotta karma because nearly every day she has to take me out, it rains.

Today I nearly got my leash stuck in the elevator door because I was so slow getting on.  Auntie told me not to do that because I don’t want to end up like Isadore Duncan who got her scarf caught in a car wheel and she choked to death.  I get a bit laid back on these rainy days.

Yesterday we also went to church.  Auntie leaves her fliers in a church on Bloor Street because they have a lot of addiction groups that could use her services.  We looked for the hot dog lady who just got back from Serbia but she already had gone home.

Auntie asked me to ask you to call her if you need her for anything.  She is now entering her busy season and will be working most nights until April or March – which is good because it pays the rent.  As it takes two hours to do a session with her, many clients come at 5 or 6 o’clock so she isn’t through until 8 or 8:30.  If daddy knocks at the door, she would not be able to leave her client on the table to answer.  

On our second walk it was pouring.  When we walked across the parking lot I did my big man thing against the red fence.  That will teach those yappy corgies on the other side that there is a new man in town.

I saw Sparkie and I let her give me a whiff.  She’s not my type though.  I like those big strong dogs or bitchy women, sorta like a motorcycle type.

We did not see too many people on our walk today because they were scurrying by because of the rain.  I ran into Arthur and know what??????  Arthur has not lifted his leg yet, or even tried.  His owner looked a bit sad that a little firecracker like me beat his big brute to it.  I’m the king of the world, I’m the king of the world.

I did not do number two today (another of my new words I am allowed to use) so I hope the dads get home early tonight.  By then I will be FTB.  That means full till busting.

I did three pees though including one on the nuns’ lawn across the street.  Am I being sacrilegious peeising on their lawn?  (That is a new word I have made up which is across between pee and piss because I have not mastered the man thing yet.

Love Gussykins     

dog